Ask any couple who has been through a divorce — one of the most difficult parts of the process is knowing when to throw in the towel, and decide that it’s time to split. So many couples stay together in lifeless, unhappy marriages because they are unsure of how to proceed, have children to think about, or think that things can go back to the way they used to be. If this is the case for you, Best-selling author Honoree Corder discusses a couple of factors that a couple should consider which may suggest that you are ready to divorce.
So when should you raise the white flag, and tag out?
1) Either spouse is unfaithful
If you or your spouse is looking outside the marriage for something they aren’t getting from the marriage, it may be a sign that you need to let go. Being unfaithful within a marriage is never okay, so if this is the case it’s better for you and your spouse to take a look at why either of you have these desires. Maybe you aren’t getting what you need from each other physically or emotionally.
2) “Stay together for the kids” notion
We have discussed this idea in a past blog. Staying together for the kids is a completely misguided idea and should not be practiced. Corder describes her thought process:
“I wanted to get a divorce a full year before my ex asked for it, yet the only reason I really got a divorce is because he asked for it. I tried to stay in it: ‘I won’t divorce you until our daughter turns 18.’ Then, I tried to save it, ‘I don’t care what’s happened, look – I took off my pants!’”
If you and your spouse would have broken up years before now, but have stuck it out for your children, you could actually be harming your children. Kids need healthy adult role models, and look up to you and your spouse for guidance. If you continue to stay in an unhealthy relationship, your children are likely to make similar mistakes in the future.
3) Different lives
Unless you look forward to the time you have to share together, leading different lives can really hurt a marriage. Avoiding each other, not making time for one another, or choosing other activities over one another is a sure sign that the health of your marriage doesn’t matter to you. If you find yourself avoiding time together, there may be some underlying issues.
4) Constant bickering
Fighting is normal. In fact, if you’ve ever met a couple who claims to never bicker or argue — they may be worse off than you!
While a little bit of bickering is healthy, constant bickering, or using hateful words during arguments to threaten one another makes it hard for any couple to want to save their relationship. Some couples stay in this unhealthy cycle — but words have weight. If you threaten to divorce one another during fights, ask yourself “why.” Take a hard look at what words you use, and why you use them.
If you or your spouse rely on medication, drugs, or alcohol just to “get through the day” then you may be facing depression. If having a glass of wine is necessary (you NEED it as opposed to want it) that could be a problem. These types of relationships are especially difficult when children are involved. Remember — you and your spouse are the model your kids see.
Call The Tulsa Divorce and Family Network Today!
If you are thinking about divorce, and need more information about your options, we encourage you to call: Office: (402) 474-3884 Our offices are located at 140 North 8th Street, Suite #250 Lincoln, Nebraska 68508.
For Honoree Corder’s original article, click here.
Categorised in: Divorce